This past year I think I went through what most college students approaching graduation experience, which I can only describe as a complete crisis of character. After spending 4 years dedicating my time and energy into preparing myself for a future career in criminal investigation, I pretty much broke down into a spiral of self doubt and fear as I prepared to face the void of an uncertain future. I went back and forth with myself for weeks questioning every decision I had ever made and worried that I was setting myself up for a future that I would ultimately be unsatisfied and unfulfilled with. In essence, I was terrified of being unhappy. This idea of happiness is something that both confuses me and stresses me out at the same time. Because happiness, or at least what most people consider to be ultimate happiness, seems pretty much impossible to achieve. These days it feels like unless you are dealt a perfect hand in life, you simply can’t come back from it. Our life circumstances, the genetics we are passed down, the things we have or do not have, and the traumas we experience in our lives all feel like giant hurdles in the sprint towards the idea of being happy.

While in the depths of my crisis, my developmental psychology professor played all of the graduating seniors a Youtube video that did a lot to quell the intense anxiety I was feeling about my ability to live a life that made me happy. At the National Council of Mental Wellbeing, Dr. Laurie Santos who is a professor of psychology at Yale University gave a speech about a class she taught to a room of therapists about happiness. The class was a step by step analysis on the most important research studies that have ever been done about mental wellbeing, and then condensed into 10 of the most important tips about being happy. Her speech was not only fascinating to me as a psychology student, but I also found it extremely comforting to have some insight into how I could live my life with my happiness as a leading priority. So today I am going to give all of you the scientifically proven “10 secrets to being happy”.

#1: 50% of our happiness is controlled by our genes, 10% is controlled by our bad and traumatic experiences, and 40% is controllable.

This first insight into happiness might seem counter productive, because it seems like the opposite of being in control of your own happiness. Suggesting that 50% of our happiness is dependent on factors outside of our control is pretty scary to think about. However, it means that we do actually have control.

Because secret number 2 is…

#2: Our life circumstances don’t matter as much as we think.

Consider some of the luckiest people alive, lottery winners. I would assume most people believe that lottery winners should be pretty damn happy, considering they no longer have to worry about financial insecurity for the foreseeable future. However, lottery winners that were surveyed on mental wellbeing and happiness 6 months after winning were statistically indistinguishable from the results of people who had never won. The same is seen in the opposite direction, those who are unlucky. People who were left paraplegic after traumatic accidents who were tested for mental wellbeing, were also statistically indistinguishable from people who had never been in an accident.

#3: If you want to change your life, you must work hard to do it.

It’s not surprising to suggest that happiness is not a permanent state of mind that we just transcend into one day. Like most things that we want to achieve in life, our mental wellbeing takes effort. But it shouldn’t be a bad thing that being happy takes work, Sonja Lyubomirsky said, “It may be obvious that toachieve anything substantial in life – learn a profession, master a sport, raise a child – a good deal of effort is required. The active choice to live your life with happiness as a priority matters more than you think.

#4: Your mind is lying to you a lot of the time. 

Especially about what society tells you it thinks you need to be happy.

#5: Become wealthy in time not money

Studies have shown that once a person makes around $75,000 a year, which is about 25% above the average starting salary at most full time jobs. Doubling or even tripling your salary has no impact on your happiness. Money doesn’t buy happiness, it rings truer than you may think.

#6: Make time for social connections

A researcher assigned people to go on a subway and do one of three things, sit in silence, be told to have a conversation with a stranger on the train, or do what they normally do. Those who were tasked with making a connection with a stranger reported to feel X2 happier in general than those who were asked to sit in silence.

#7: Helping others makes us happier

In this study people were asked to either take $20 for themselves, or take $5 to spend on somebody else. Unsurprisingly, those who choose to do something for someone else reported to be happier than those who had just been given $20. Providing happiness for others is a circular experience that benefits our mental wellbeing, probably more than it does theirs.

#8: Make time for gratitude

Especially in times of uncertainty it can be easy to fall into the state of mind that we have nothing to be grateful for. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, or we have no tools to dig ourselves out of the hole that we have found ourselves in. However, taking time to find even the smallest things that make us grateful each day is a reminder that life is a balance of dual emotions. Happiness and sadness, grief and elation, they go hand and hand. With that being said, today I am grateful that you are all here, I am grateful that I get to spend my days surrounded by people who choose to dedicate their time to a mission that they believe is important.

#9: Healthy practices matter more than we think This one is simple, take care of yourself. In the ways that you need. Always.

#10: Happy people tend to be present in the moment

This final secret to happiness was what I needed to hear most in that moment. Thinking about the future as set in concrete, based off of the decisions we make today is a meaningless exercise. We can prepare and think and plot for our futures as much as we would like. But in the end spending hours stressing about securing our happiness for the future, is damaging our lives that we are living today.

What I wish for all of you to take away from these “secrets to happiness” is that ultimately you are in control of the perspective you choose to view the world and your lives through. Although we can’t always control the circumstances we are handed. What we choose to do with the other 40% that remains ours and ours alone, makes the differences between living your life with the intention of maximizing your potential happiness in the present rather than fearing the unknown of the future.

Returning to camp to see old familiar faces juxtaposed with many new ones has me in a state of wonder and reflection about myself and the role camp has played in my life over the years.

When I was a junior, I wrote my parents a letter every day, asking them to take me home. I was too afraid to take the short walk to the college in the middle of the night to use the toilet so I had a regular spot outside my cabin where I popped a squat in the middle of the night with panic coursing through my veins that I would get caught. Would a reasonably prudent person do that? Likely not…

When I was a middler, every moment of each day was spent on the basketball court, silently battling IBS in the college or in a panic-ridden state of insecurity about what others thought of me.

When I was a senior, my soul was battling a longing for the past, gratitude for the present, and fear of the future.

When I was a CIT I was ready to prove myself and show people that I could be who they wanted me to be. I craved acceptance and approval and in doing so lost myself in the excitement and drama of it all.

When I was a LIT I adored my co and she showed me that she trusted me. With her encouragement, I started to see what I was capable of and trust myself. I also waited in line at the payphone with my calling card hoping that when I dialed my friend’s home phone numbers they would answer. I felt homesick for a simpler life, knowing that, if I had never come to camp as a counselor, my summer would have been easier. Wondering…what if my summer had been easier?

When I was a junior counselor, I faced challenges with my campers that I couldn’t have imagined I could navigate, but I did. And, then, that was enough for me. I was done with camp. I was tired of carrying the weight of responsibility.

As time passed, and the memories of the challenges faded the pull of camp returned…I got accepted as a West Coast CIT director…the best job in the world (with the exception of a fellow trip leader who insisted on falling asleep with his legs splayed open while he rubbed the bottom of his feet together), I got to see some of the most beautiful parts of this country and be a part of the experience and evolution of others.

If I could go back in time to give little Lauren advice….I wouldn’t. She needed to face her life as it came at her. Advice would have been ignored anyhow, and warnings would have just taught her avoidance.

But in the spirit of wonder and reflection here’s what I learned as a:

Junior – Your parents aren’t there to rescue you, their role is to show you what you are capable of, not to do it for you or to save you from discomfort. If you can recognize this, you might be able to appreciate your parents in a different light.

Middler – There’s more to life than basketball (though you will be voted captain your senior year). You have the chance to try horseback riding, and though you tried it that one time and the horse ran away with you on it, get over it. Holding on to your fears is just an excuse to avoid really experiencing life.

Senior – You don’t have to fear the future. As always, things will be good, bad, pretty, ugly, scary, fun, and wild, your emotions will span the whole mood meter. But all of that is going to happen no matter what. You can fear it, or embrace it. It’s the not knowing that makes life worth living.

CIT – You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Figure out who you are and be that, unapologetically. Anything else is an exhausting waste of time.

LIT – Easier isn’t better. It’s just a different path with different results. You can choose to take life easy sometimes, you can choose to challenge yourself sometimes. You can choose to cry because your emotions were so big they came out of your eyes. You can choose to be kind or unkind. You can choose to be welcoming or alienating. You can spin any struggle into a funny story. Whatever it is that you choose, choose wisely, it will come back at you.

Junior Counselor – You can handle whatever comes your way, not because you’re special, but because you have no other choice but to handle it. And when you are faced with no other choice, there is no other choice. And that’s okay. Life works out anyhow.

CIT Director – Being a part of someone else’s journey is what gives your life meaning. If you get to explore Zion, the Channel Islands and the Grand Canyon along the way, you better thank your lucky stars. But it’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give. Don’t give so much of yourself that you lose yourself, love and care for yourself so deeply that you can give to others freely, without want or need. That is freedom.

I am who I am because of camp. Camp and the people I’ve met through it have found their way in and out of my life. I loved many of them, liked most of them, and found just a few challenging (but I learned the most from those who challenge me). And I’m better off for all of it.

I often wonder what my life in another universe is like, if I never went to camp; if I never left camp, if I didn’t have a lactose intolerance at ice cream socials, if I had gotten over my fear of horses. But the wondering about what life could have been takes away from recognizing what my life is, right now; here I am, at camp. While so much is different, nothing has changed. I’m still in one of the most beautiful places in the world with people that continue to inspire me, shape me, and accept me. And regardless of what is happening to me, in another universe, I’m grateful to be in this one.