Category: Staff

On this vespers, I’m going to talk about one of the people who inspires me the most on this planet. She’s my person, and if you’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy, you can understand the reference.

I remember that three years ago, she would call me pretty much every night at 3 am or so, sobbing because she was too afraid of working. She had a lot of problems at home, and basically, she felt miserable and wasn’t happy at all.

But I’m telling you, as I told her for more than 70 nights straight (maybe even more) following the same conversation, that everything was on her mind and that after all of those situations, something better was coming. That everything was going to be alright afterwards.

She would either cry even more or just get mad at me because she wouldn’t believe me at the moment.

But I did believe that! She was literally the best person I knew, harmless, sensitive, funny, dedicated, a kind soul, she was all of that, and I would remind her that every day, if it was necessary, until she would believe it.

I made a promise to her: “One day you are going to find yourself in a better place, you will love yourself so much and be that happy, that you are gonna remember these phone calls and laugh about yourself for feeling like that before.”

After a lot of LONG conversations, she finally started to believe all of the things that I said to her. She started to love herself like I do!

Then, things started to change. She got a job, she found her passion, photography. She even changed her style to something that she would actually enjoy to wear, even if people would find her weird or different. She was just letting herself be what she wanted. After that, believe it or not, even her family problems got better.

One year ago, she got this amazing scholarship on photography in Madrid. We cannot talk that often now, but at least she is having her best life.

So, one month ago, before I came to camp this year, I was sitting on my kitchen when I got this FaceTime call. I answered, it was her. She had this huge smile that I promised to myself I will never forget. She told me that some important Photo Studio hired her and that she could stay in Madrid to work and live there. That was her dream by the way.

We both started to cry because we were just so happy. And suddenly she stops for a second and tells me that I’m the first person that she calls. I go: “wow, thank you that is amazing but why me?” and she goes: “Ale you were the first person who believed in me, you always did, even when I didn’t believe in myself, I’d call you and you would give me the strength to move forward”.

Sometimes we believe that our words don’t matter, they do. I don’t know if she remembers the exact words that she said, but I do, every word and gesture because that call literally made my year.

She has mentioned that she also remembers at least 20 of our really old phone calls on her worst times, every single word.

You never know how much you can help a person or how much you can hurt them with just words.

So GK, I want to share this with you:

1. Words matter. Even if people seem like they’re not listening at the moment, they are. You can change someone’s life or at least make them realize something.
2. Always believe in yourselves. When you start to believe in yourself, changes start to happen.
3. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and who see the good things about you, even the things you can’t see yourself sometimes.
4. Let yourself be and do things that you actually enjoy doing. If you find your passion and follow it, you can achieve the life of your dreams.
5. And last but not least… Once I read that if we see the good things in people, it’s a reflection of the same good things that we have inside of us. I think that’s amazing

Dedicated to Pomin.

Hi GK! My name is Madeleine and I have vespers tonight. Are there any announcements?

Again, my name is Madeleine and I have vespers. And tonight I want to talk to you about shame. The official definition of shame is “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” At various instances in my life, I’ve felt these feelings of distress that we call shame. These feelings, and the word “shame” associated with them, have, to me, always felt like very ugly words, but I’ve recently realized that a way to get rid of this stigma surrounding shame and reclaim some power over my experiences is to speak about them. So, today I would like to share with all of you the most recent event that has caused these feelings.

This past spring, I was at college and had plans to go home for an event one weekend. This weekend was towards the end of my term and I was swamped with assignments so I decided to take the bus home to save myself 10 hours round trip of driving. I worked so hard in the days leading up to that weekend so that I could go home, fully enjoy my event, and then return to school without feeling like I had fallen completely behind. The night before I left, I finished some work, packed my bags, and went to sleep ready to wake up at 6 am the next morning in order to catch my 6:30 bus, feeling really proud of myself for all my preparation.

So, the next morning rolled around and I woke up to see light streaming in through my window. I immediately knew I had overslept and checked the time to see that my bus had left an hour and a half earlier. I realized that despite all my planning in the previous days, the night before I had forgotten to do the seemingly most simple thing: set my alarm. I had my car at school, so I knew I wasn’t completely stranded and would be able to make it home. Despite knowing this, when I realized I had overslept, I immediately burst into tears.

A lot of you may be thinking, “Wow you’re really dramatic. You knew you would get home anyway, so what’s the big deal?” And as I tell this story, there is definitely a part of me that thinks you might be right. But let me contextualize my reaction a little. For much of my life, I have struggled to do seemingly simple things. For example, I am chronically late, almost never showing up anywhere on time. Regardless of the importance of a task, I often forget to do things if they are not written down or I am not given many reminders. I often decide to do something and then get up, walk into the other room, and completely forget what I was going to do. And although none of these things on their own are life changing, when they are happening to me daily, it can begin to feel like I operate just slightly differently from everyone else, in a way that makes doing the easiest of things just a little bit harder. So, although my plans weren’t ruined, forgetting to set an alarm and oversleeping felt like just another simple thing that I was incapable of doing.

If that still sounds a little irrational to you, that’s fair. Let me give you one last explanation. And that is that shame is irrational. Most of the times that we feel shame, it is over something small– something that the rest of the world hasn’t noticed but that makes us feel self conscious. There doesn’t have to be a rhyme or reason to the feelings that we have, but there’s no shame in feeling them anyway.

So in this instance, that feeling of shame that I described earlier flooded my brain. I felt stupid, and so I cried for a while– to be honest for much of the morning– but I eventually made it home and had a great time. And although everything worked out those feelings of shame stuck with me. A few days later I was telling someone about this pattern of being forgetful and how it made me feel and she said something to me that I want to share with all of you. She told me, “We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like and that makes us human. Maybe this is the way that you have to face your humanity.”

That sentence completely blew me away. The idea that those very same things which made me so ashamed were the things that also made me human completely changed how I saw myself. I began to realize that all these little mistakes which had previously made me so upset were just instances of me being human, and therefore imperfect.

Despite this realization, there are still things that bring me shame, but like I said earlier, this experience taught me that talking with people about those feelings takes a little bit of the sting away. So in that spirit, I want to share with you a short list of 5 things that bring up these feelings of embarrassment.

1.  I accidentally threw away my passport last summer.

2. When I talk about myself or my emotions, I often begin to tear up for no particular reason.

3. When I was little, I typed number patterns into the phone because I was just kind of super into numbers and patterns and I ended up calling 911, and I made the police show up at my house and do a full investigation.

4. In all my seven years at camp as a camper, CIT, and staff member, I have never been off the high dive.

5. I procrastinate to an almost absurd degree, so much so that I forgot to sign up for my courses this past school year not once, but twice.

It is my hope that by sharing these with you, you begin to learn that our imperfections and faults are what make us human, rather than detracting from who we are. While you may strive to change, you should never be embarrassed for being imperfect. Camp, especially, is a safe place to try new things and fail. So, GK, in the next week and a half I encourage you to leave behind any embarrassment or shame that you carry with you and wholeheartedly throw yourself into the camp experience. Do everything you can and don’t be afraid of looking like a fool because it is in those times that we feel foolish that we are being most humanly ourselves.

And now I’m going to play a song… “Believe” by Caamp

Hi GK! My name is Libby and I have vespers tonight. Are there any announcements? 

Alright, well as I said my name is Libby, and I have vespers tonight. And today I want to tell you all the story of a girl. 

This is the story of a girl who wore a yellow headband to school everyday, read a chapter of a book each night before bed, and was obsessed with rainbow sprinkles. This girl loved vanilla ice cream with gummy bears, raisin bran cereal, and was probably born in the wrong generation.

I say all of these things because that girl was me. And as wonderful as all of these things were, and as fortunate as I feel to have had an incredible childhood, the one thing that I really struggled with when I was younger was talking to other people.

It’s kind of ironic to say it out loud right now, considering that many people in this circle view me as an open book – I pretty much share anything and everything about myself.

But for the longest time, I had an extremely difficult time sharing how I was feeling with other people or asking for help. If I was sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, I didn’t turn to anyone, but always remained completely quiet and sat with the feelings on my own. Talking to teachers or adults in any capacity always stressed me out, and my parents were usually the last people to know if I was upset. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to any of these people, but was afraid about what talking with them would result in. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and was worried that talking to other people would make things worse. Letting anyone know that I needed help was always a last resort in my mind.

Inevitably, all of this began to take its toll. I started to become even more closed off from the people around me and eventually developed intense anxiety. I remember my parents were absolutely perplexed about finding a way to get me to open up. Luckily for me, all of that changed in August 2011, when my Dad’s Acura turned the corner around main camp road for the first time.

Living in such close quarters with people who spoke openly about emotions, friendship, and life made me realize that it was okay to come forward when I was feeling upset or anxious. As mundane as it sounds, sharing highs and lows each night allowed me to build sharing my emotions into my routine. My counselors would walk up to me during free times and ask how I was feeling. My first bunkmate asked me to tell her about my day at night when she needed help falling asleep.

This open and accepting environment that I was lucky enough to have been raised in is the sole reason why I am the open, honest, and vulnerable version of myself today. It wasn’t until I came to camp that I realized that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be afraid of, but instead is a sign of strength.

Asking for help and being honest and open with those around you means that you’re strong enough to admit that you don’t have all of the answers – because honestly GK, nobody does. Asking for help means that you’re willing to lean into the discomfort that so often comes with uncomfortable emotions like fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Asking for help means that you’re willing to challenge yourself and hopefully grow along the way.

I’ve been able to form some of the deepest and most meaningful relationships of my life when I’ve been open and honest with the people around me. The friendships that I have with people from camp are the ones I cherish the most because of our ability to call on one another when we need it and support one another through every high and every low. I feel so lucky that camp taught me to feel comfortable enough to ask for help – because it’s provided me with a group of people who I know will be in my life forever.

So, GK, here is my advice for you: as daunting as it may seem, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Share how you’re feeling when someone asks – I promise it’s incredibly relieving. Check in on the people around you on the rainy days and the sunny ones. Don’t ever feel pressured to carry too much on your plate by yourself – there are always a few extra hands to help if you find the courage to step up and ask. I hope you know that you are all incredibly beautiful, wonderful, and loved, and that you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re completely alone – especially when you’re in a place as magical as this one.

Now I’m gonna play a little song. I think it captures what it feels like to be honest with the people around you, and this song makes me think about a lot of my friends here.

Hi GK my name is Emma and I have Vespers tonight. Are there any announcements?

Like I said my name is Emma and I have vespers tonight. Today, I want to talk about what is probably the most important decision l’ve made. The decision to get on a plane and fly 5,881 kilometers across the ocean to a place I didn’t know and with people I didn’t know. If you had met me 2 years ago, nobody would believe that I of all people would pack my stuff and leave my home. The Pandemic didn’t leave me unaffected either.  I started withdrawing and not talking anymore. I loved to sit alone in my room and avoided big crowds or to be more specific, people in general. I was that kind of girl you met in the school hallway but didn’t notice because she always kept her eyes on the floor so as not to make eye contact. I was also that kind of girl who would lie in bed at night and couldn’t sleep because she would think about the most unimportant things like why the dog I saw today didn’t wag his tail when I pet him and what I did wrong. That may sound banal to some, but for me it was a big deal. In addition, there was the stress of school since my degree was right around the corner. I spent long nights crying in my school books too tired to think clearly but too awake to sleep. While I was leaning over my school books at 3 am I realized that I wanted a change. I wanted to be the main character in my story and not just a side character. I wanted to be as happy and carefree as I used to be. 

So I started focusing on what I could do after my graduation instead of what I should do, which was studying for my exams. I unlocked my phone and typed in the google browser, “summer job, working with kids, away from Germany.” The only website that kept popping up was an organization called “Camp Leaders.” I read the first few topics on the website and decided that it was exactly what I wanted to do this summer. It took not even 24 hours to apply for the organization. Although I got scared just thinking about flying to another country on my own, I was excited to face my fears at the same time. The days went by and the only thing that I could think about was my summer. I had a million thoughts in my head, “What if I don’t make it? What if my English is too bad? What if no one likes me?” And probably a million more. Until the organization accepted me, from then on I went through a long and stressful process of applying. After, Camp Coniston found my profile and they offered me a job as a camp counselor. We had a few phone calls and I was more than happy to see that I was getting closer to facing this challenge. At that time, I didn’t know that that phone call would flip my life upside down. From then on, I counted down the days I had left before I flew to Boston. The days just went by until the day arrived when my parents dropped me off at the airport. It was the 7th of June when the realization hit me. In that moment, I just felt fear — fear of being alone, fear of leaving home and especially the fear of not being accepted. So I sat down and immediately burst into tears. Everyone at the airport started staring at me, but no one cared enough to talk to me. When they called my gate, I knew that I didn’t have any other choice. The only thing I could do was wipe away my tears and survive the flight. 

The next thing I remember was receiving a ton of messages after the landing saying, “Did you arrive?” or “Let me know when you have your luggage.” It was Ale and Will, the first people who made me feel welcome. They welcomed me warmly and we started talking about anything and everything. We were waiting for another person to arrive, her name is Courtney, you may know her. She ran towards us with all of her luggage and a huge smile on her face. She started talking and didn’t stop. I needed some time to understand what she was saying, but once I figured it, out we had a good conversation. I even slept in her cabin a few nights because none of us wanted to sleep alone. From then on, all my fears were gone. Once we arrived to camp I got to know the others and found that we have a lot in common. We spent so many nights sitting in the dining hall together, talking about everything and nothing. I felt like I would know them forever. I can’t even express how grateful I am for meeting these people who support me in every decision I make, who cheer me up whenever I’m sad and who make my time at camp the most memorable time of my life. We have spent so much time together that we feel like family and not friends anymore. And all of this would have never happened if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone. What I want you to take away from this vespers is that it is totally okay to be scared of something, but never stop trying to face your fears. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me to open up again and build my confidence. If you never try to face your fears, you’ll never know what you are missing out on, and you may never experience the best time of your life.

So, never forget it’s okay to have fears but facing you fears just makes you stronger. Now, I’m going to play a song.