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Madeleine Saraisky – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

Hi GK! My name is Madeleine and I have vespers tonight. Are there any announcements?

Again, my name is Madeleine and I have vespers. And tonight I want to talk to you about shame. The official definition of shame is “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” At various instances in my life, I’ve felt these feelings of distress that we call shame. These feelings, and the word “shame” associated with them, have, to me, always felt like very ugly words, but I’ve recently realized that a way to get rid of this stigma surrounding shame and reclaim some power over my experiences is to speak about them. So, today I would like to share with all of you the most recent event that has caused these feelings.

This past spring, I was at college and had plans to go home for an event one weekend. This weekend was towards the end of my term and I was swamped with assignments so I decided to take the bus home to save myself 10 hours round trip of driving. I worked so hard in the days leading up to that weekend so that I could go home, fully enjoy my event, and then return to school without feeling like I had fallen completely behind. The night before I left, I finished some work, packed my bags, and went to sleep ready to wake up at 6 am the next morning in order to catch my 6:30 bus, feeling really proud of myself for all my preparation.

So, the next morning rolled around and I woke up to see light streaming in through my window. I immediately knew I had overslept and checked the time to see that my bus had left an hour and a half earlier. I realized that despite all my planning in the previous days, the night before I had forgotten to do the seemingly most simple thing: set my alarm. I had my car at school, so I knew I wasn’t completely stranded and would be able to make it home. Despite knowing this, when I realized I had overslept, I immediately burst into tears.

A lot of you may be thinking, “Wow you’re really dramatic. You knew you would get home anyway, so what’s the big deal?” And as I tell this story, there is definitely a part of me that thinks you might be right. But let me contextualize my reaction a little. For much of my life, I have struggled to do seemingly simple things. For example, I am chronically late, almost never showing up anywhere on time. Regardless of the importance of a task, I often forget to do things if they are not written down or I am not given many reminders. I often decide to do something and then get up, walk into the other room, and completely forget what I was going to do. And although none of these things on their own are life changing, when they are happening to me daily, it can begin to feel like I operate just slightly differently from everyone else, in a way that makes doing the easiest of things just a little bit harder. So, although my plans weren’t ruined, forgetting to set an alarm and oversleeping felt like just another simple thing that I was incapable of doing.

If that still sounds a little irrational to you, that’s fair. Let me give you one last explanation. And that is that shame is irrational. Most of the times that we feel shame, it is over something small– something that the rest of the world hasn’t noticed but that makes us feel self conscious. There doesn’t have to be a rhyme or reason to the feelings that we have, but there’s no shame in feeling them anyway.

So in this instance, that feeling of shame that I described earlier flooded my brain. I felt stupid, and so I cried for a while– to be honest for much of the morning– but I eventually made it home and had a great time. And although everything worked out those feelings of shame stuck with me. A few days later I was telling someone about this pattern of being forgetful and how it made me feel and she said something to me that I want to share with all of you. She told me, “We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like and that makes us human. Maybe this is the way that you have to face your humanity.”

That sentence completely blew me away. The idea that those very same things which made me so ashamed were the things that also made me human completely changed how I saw myself. I began to realize that all these little mistakes which had previously made me so upset were just instances of me being human, and therefore imperfect.

Despite this realization, there are still things that bring me shame, but like I said earlier, this experience taught me that talking with people about those feelings takes a little bit of the sting away. So in that spirit, I want to share with you a short list of 5 things that bring up these feelings of embarrassment.

1.  I accidentally threw away my passport last summer.

2. When I talk about myself or my emotions, I often begin to tear up for no particular reason.

3. When I was little, I typed number patterns into the phone because I was just kind of super into numbers and patterns and I ended up calling 911, and I made the police show up at my house and do a full investigation.

4. In all my seven years at camp as a camper, CIT, and staff member, I have never been off the high dive.

5. I procrastinate to an almost absurd degree, so much so that I forgot to sign up for my courses this past school year not once, but twice.

It is my hope that by sharing these with you, you begin to learn that our imperfections and faults are what make us human, rather than detracting from who we are. While you may strive to change, you should never be embarrassed for being imperfect. Camp, especially, is a safe place to try new things and fail. So, GK, in the next week and a half I encourage you to leave behind any embarrassment or shame that you carry with you and wholeheartedly throw yourself into the camp experience. Do everything you can and don’t be afraid of looking like a fool because it is in those times that we feel foolish that we are being most humanly ourselves.

And now I’m going to play a song… “Believe” by Caamp

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Charlie Levine- Cabin Counselor – Vespers

In the summer of 2019, me and a friend got into an argument, and I said something really hurtful to him that I’ll forever regret. After the argument, months passed by, and before I knew it, I was at Coniston as a CIT. At the end of my CIT experience, two campers had been involved in a big argument. The counselor I was working with brought the two campers outside to speak. I sat and observed, and as they spoke to each other, I thought about the argument I had gotten into with my friend. Minutes passed, and the two had made up. One said to the other, “when I’m mad I don’t think about what I say, you should honestly just forget everything I said.” The other laughed, apologized himself, and they fist bumped.

On my first year on staff, at the very end of the summer, I sat crying in my counselors quarters. It was the night before I left camp for my first year of college.  I had come off the worst school year of my life, the pandemic had stripped any confidence I once had. At camp I found purpose and happiness again. I didn’t feel ready, or even excited for my first year of college, and I was scared to leave the woods and my best friends behind. I feared that after camp I’d fall into the same depressed rut I had been in before it. When a camper who felt similar to me asked to speak, I frantically wiped my tears and joined him on a bench outside. We talked about how we didn’t want the summer to end, and how we were nervous for the school year. He said, “I think what makes this place so special is how little we’re here.” I agreed, and he went on, “I think knowing camp will be back is kinda what gets me through everything else.”

Last summer I sat on program porch waiting for my cabins COVID test results. We had been in a quarantine pod for 3 days, unable to interact with the rest of camp. I sat on the porch stairs, bouncing my leg, nauseous from worry. All I wanted was for everyone to test negative so we could return to normal camp. When I heard laughs I looked up and saw my cabin playing Gaga. Thinking I had nothing better to do, I joined their game, and had the time of my life. We ran around and sweat through our surgical masks. I remember at the time thinking, this is the hardest I’ve laughed all year. Minutes later,  we all tested negative, and returned to normal camp. That night I asked my campers why they weren’t as nervous as me when we had been waiting for our test results. One of my campers said, “most of the stuff I worry about doesn’t even happen.”

Earlier this summer I sat at gazebo around a dying campfire with my cabin. Charlie, Will and I had asked our cabin who their biggest role models were for their highs and lows question. Throughout everyone’s answers I was blown away by the reasoning and emotion behind each choice. One camper had cried when discussing his role model. When everyone had shared, and the embers started to fizzle out, another camper spoke. He said, “when I lost someone close to me I thought I shouldn’t cry, but seeing you all open up has really helped me.”

I’ve been on staff here for three years, and when I look back on the last three summers of my life, I constantly think about why I came back here. I always think about it. As this summer comes to a close, I’ve found myself more than ever reflecting on that question when I get the chance. Some of you sitting in front of me know that this job can be back breaking, stressful, and emotionally and physically exhausting. Why did I keep coming back? Well, I think I finally know.

At camp, I’ve always felt I’m a way better version of myself than at home. In the sense that I like how I act at camp more than how I do at home. Camp always felt like a moral reset for me, like every summer, I was reminded what right and wrong was. It’s taken me three years to realize that the reason I feel so good about myself here has been a result of all of you campers. Every summer, you all reminded me what this place is about— being a good person.  Living in the moment, showing emotion, and being yourself. That’s why I kept coming back, the lessons I learned from all of you. All this time I thought this place was fulfilling because I was helping you all out, but in reality, it was actually fulfilling because you were all helping me out. I used to think I came back here every summer to teach. I’ve slowly realized that actually, I came back here every summer to learn.

So, you might be thinking how the heck this story about me, applies to you. Maybe, like me, you’ve thought to yourself, I feel like a better person at camp than at home. I like how I act at camp more than I like how I act at home. I think my message today is to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that all the different interactions you have here at camp, whether they are big or small, or annoying, or completely and utterly meaningless in the moment— teach you things. I just shared my four most vivid camp memories over an eleven year span, and every single one was a time that a camper taught me a priceless life lesson. So reflect. Who has taught you what here? What values and lessons have you learned from your friends? Staff, what have you learned from your campers? Where, and what would you be without them? 

If any of you think your presence here doesn’t matter, you’re wrong. If you think that one cabin mate you don’t like so much has nothing to offer you, you’re wrong again. Every single one of you is so special, and each summer, every single one of you taught me more than you will ever know.

Everyday I tried to teach all of you about life, but everyday you taught me what life is all about.

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Kyle Stevens – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

When I found out I had vespers I wasn’t sure what I should talk about. In Liverpool, where I go to university, I study philosophy, so I felt a sort of pressure to know what to think about and talk about. Maybe the reason why I couldn’t think of what to talk about is because I don’t really have any incredible, life changing advice. I don’t have a secret that makes everything perfect, I don’t know something that everyone else doesn’t. But what I do have, is my experiences, so I thought I’d give you a brief timeline of my life, and hopefully one of you may take one thing from it. 

I spent my childhood how most of you probably did, having fun. My main concerns included what I was gonna eat, what I games I was gonna play and what new shows were premiering on Cartoon Network. This was all I needed and life couldn’t get any better, I had no concerns or stresses because subconsciously or not I chose to define life by one metric: having fun. 
 
Everyday was a good day because I defined it that way. 
 
As I approached the end of my childhood I changed. I was overthinking things as simple as eating and sleeping, talking with people became a difficulty, not something to enjoy. I felt that just existing generally became something I had to try and do rather than something that just happened. I didn’t enjoy what I used to enjoy as a younger child and when people would ask me why I wouldn’t really have an answer for them. I would walk around visibly down and it frustrated me to not have an answer as to why I felt this way. Nothing about my external life changed significantly. I knew I was very blessed to have a healthy and well-supported home which caused even more confusion for me as to why I was down. This continued to a point where I closed myself off to the events and happenings of life and became emotionally numb to the happenings around me, my progression in life was paralyzed by my own mind. I chose to define my life by one metric, surviving each day, that’s all I was doing, surviving, not living. 
 
Everyday was a bad day because I defined it that way.
 
After some maturing I realized that this wasn’t a sustainable way to live. I studied a lot and talked with friends who were also maturing on the same path I was, and we realized something. Life is not based on your external circumstances. Nothing external in my life changed from my early childhood to my late childhood, yet my enjoyment of life changed drastically. 
 
This is because life and happiness is completely based upon how you choose to define it.
 
This may sound like a gross oversimplification of something as complex as life. But I’d argue that if you think life is complicated then a complicated life you will live. Me and my friends realized that life is a positive thing if you make the choice to see it that way. When you ask yourself at the end of the day if today was a good or bad day, what actually happened in the day doesn’t really matter, your perspective does. Was today a bad day or was there one moment of peace you had that you wouldn’t have appreciated if today was a “good day”? The choice is yours.
 
You can choose to spend your days scrolling through news stories online that tell you the million different ways the world is ending and how you should feel bad about it, or you could instead focus on and appreciate the beauty that the world and life has to offer. This attitude of choice is the key to living life satisfied. 
 
You might be aware of a little “pre-dinner inspiration” we read at camp sometimes, it goes something like “people who ask if the glass is half full or half empty are missing the point, the point is the glass is refillable.” Call me controversial but I disagree, I think the fact that we can ask the question if the glass is half full or half empty shows it’s really neither and it’s our choice which we see it as. We are blessed with this unique ability to choose how we perceive. 
 
So Boys Camp, before you judge a program area or an evening program as boring or not cool, I challenge you to question your perspective, because I can promise you when you try to have fun, you will have fun. It’s so important to be careful of the stories you tell yourself. 
 
To wrap up I want to emphasize one final point to you. That not a single part of your life is defined by external things. Difficult things will happen to you of course, this is unavoidable. Let the waves of life pass you by, good and bad, enjoy everything for what it is. Appreciate the lessons that difficult times can bring you, and celebrate the good times just as much. Remember that happiness in life does not come from doing that one thing you always wanted to do, happiness is a choice you must make on a daily basis.
 
So, don’t invent your own stress, choose to be amazed with life daily.
 
Why cry in the rain, when you can sing in it? 
 
 
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Austen Herlihy – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

As some of you may know, I go to Northeastern University in Boston. Northeastern has something called the co-op program which means that instead of taking classes for a semester, you work a full time job in whatever your major is. Every student at Northeastern does at least one co-op, and most do two or three. To get a co-op, you have to do the whole process, from writing and sending out your resume, to interviews and onsite visits. This past fall I was in the process of applying for my second co-op.

I had interviews with a few different companies, but there was one that stood out to me because during the interview, I couldn’t stop thinking about how cool everyone was. In particular, the woman who would be my manager made me really want to work there. She had long purple hair, a cat who she affectionately introduced to me as Ron, and she told me all about how Ron had cat diabetes. She also told me how awesome it was that I worked at a summer camp, and she asked me what the craziest thing that had ever happened to me at camp was. By the end of the interview, I was sure that I wanted to work there, and at the end of that week, they offered me the job, and I accepted right away.

I started working there in January, and immediately it was everything I had hoped it would be. My team was made up of 5 people, including me, and every day was filled with laughter, inside jokes, and races to finish the New York Times sudoku. I never thought I would love a “real job” as much as I loved working at camp, but this came pretty darn close. Beyond my wonderful coworkers, I was also fascinated by the work I was doing, and every morning I woke up excited to go to work.

So, on Wednesday, May 3rd, I woke up and drove into work, just like I had been doing since January. I made my coffee and sat down to join a 9am company-wide meeting, and at the end of that meeting I was laid off. I lost my job. Something had happened with the company’s stocks—I didn’t really understand it then and I still don’t understand it now, but basically they ran out of money and laid off 25% of the company, including all 6 co-ops.

For me, it was one of those moments where I couldn’t quite process what was happening. It was so sudden, and all there really was to do was pack up my desk and go home. As I slowly began to understand what had just happened, all of the emotions that you might expect someone who just lost their job to feel started to creep in. I was sad, I felt helpless, I couldn’t stop thinking about how unfair it was, and I had already begun to miss the friends I had made. My predictable next step was to crawl into my bed and start to cry about it. Which I did.

I also started texting some people. First, I texted my parents, saying something along the lines of “all of the co-ops just got laid off.” My dad, ever the quick responder, fired back right away with: “So no job 4 U?” Very helpful, thank you dad.

I also texted my coach, because I had practice that night, but was definitely not feeling up to going. I explained what had happened, and he responded with: “Huh? They can’t do that. Co-ops can’t be laid off.” Also extremely helpful, I know.

I also texted my roommates and friends, and their responses were a lot better, but none of it really made me feel any better. So, I told myself that I would take that day to cry and to be sad, and that starting the next morning, I would endeavor to make the best of it. I thought about all the things I would do with my newfound free-time: clean my room, plant a garden, mop the floors, train for a half marathon, bake lots of yummy things, read lots of books, go to the gym all the time etc. etc. etc.

That did not happen. The next morning, I stayed in bed and continued to mope. I was trying so hard to be nice to myself, to bounce back, and to make the best of a bad situation, but it just wasn’t working. Fast forward a couple of days, and I was determined to have a good day. I got up early and went for a run in an attempt to force some serotonin into my body. It was a beautiful spring day, and by the time I was done I was feeling better than I had in days. I decided to stop and get myself an iced vanilla latte as a little treat. So, I got my latte, walked back to my apartment, climbed the stairs up to the second floor, went to unlock my door, and dropped it.

The whole thing spilled all over the floor. Unfortunately, this mishap sent me spiraling right back into my funk. I got back into bed and cried. Like, sobbed. I actually cried harder about dropping my coffee than I had about losing my job in the first place. I felt so fragile, and in that moment, I was sure that it would never get better.

Well, Camp Coniston, here I am, sitting in front of you today, telling you this. It got better. It took a while, but eventually my days started to get good again.

What got me through it was time, and not much else. For as long as I can remember, whenever I have had a hard time, or been going through something, it has always brought me comfort to picture some version of myself, however far into the future, that was no longer struggling. Because, the truth is, it really does always get better. The days march on, and the days get easier.

Losing my job marked the end of my third year of college. When I was a freshman, and really also when I was a sophomore, I really had a hard time at college. I started in Fall 2020, when covid was still going strong, and it did not go great for me. I was unbearably lonely, and I struggled to feel that I belonged. Through that time, there was a song I would listen to that made me feel better, even when I was at my lowest. The song goes:

“She knows she lived through it to get to this moment.”

I would tell myself, as I sat on the floor, wishing for a different life, right now, I’m living through it, but someday, I’ll get to my moment. And, spoiler alert, I did. It got better.

I’m going to leave you all with this last little tidbit. One of my best friends at school, at some point along the way, started saying this little phrase whenever she was struggling:

“I can do hard things.”

Or, “We can do hard things.”

Or, “You can do hard things.”

It has become my personal mantra, and let me tell you, it really works.

Camp Coniston: You can do hard things.

So, next time you are faced with a calculus test; or a hard workout; a broken bone or a broken heart; a really, really long day or a really, really long semester, remember: You can do hard things, and it gets better.

Song: Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers

 
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Dylan Steward – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

“A father said to his daughter, ‘You graduated with honors, here is a car I acquired many years ago. It is several years old. But before I give it to you, take it to the used car lot downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you.’ The daughter went to the used car lot, returned to her father and said, ‘They offered me $1,000 because it looks very worn out.’ The father said. ‘Take it to the pawn shop.’ The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said, ‘The pawn shop offered $100 because it was a very old car.’ The father asked his daughter to go to a car club and show them the car. The daughter took the car to the club, returned and told her father, ‘Some people offered $100,000 since its an iconic car and sought out after by many.’ The father said to his daughter, ‘The right place values you the right way. If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you. Never stay in a place where no one sees your value.’ 

After reading this, I soon realized there have been some places in my life where I felt like no one saw my true value, and sometimes I didn’t even know my true value. But here at camp, it’s different. People here take the time to appreciate one another. We all give each other a second chance. We don’t just look on the outside and see the dust or ugly paint job. But rather, people at camp look at your journeys, mileage, background, where you come from, but most importantly what makes you unique. People at camp see your dents, scratches, rust not as deterrents, but rather how they have shaped you to who you are. We all have been through some rough patches, some junkyards, as well as some highs and Sunday drives along the beach. They are what makes each and everyone here unique from one another.

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Libby Foley – Camp Fellow – Vespers

Hi GK! My name is Libby and I have vespers tonight. Are there any announcements? 

Alright, well as I said my name is Libby, and I have vespers tonight. And today I want to tell you all the story of a girl. 

This is the story of a girl who wore a yellow headband to school everyday, read a chapter of a book each night before bed, and was obsessed with rainbow sprinkles. This girl loved vanilla ice cream with gummy bears, raisin bran cereal, and was probably born in the wrong generation.

I say all of these things because that girl was me. And as wonderful as all of these things were, and as fortunate as I feel to have had an incredible childhood, the one thing that I really struggled with when I was younger was talking to other people.

It’s kind of ironic to say it out loud right now, considering that many people in this circle view me as an open book – I pretty much share anything and everything about myself.

But for the longest time, I had an extremely difficult time sharing how I was feeling with other people or asking for help. If I was sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, I didn’t turn to anyone, but always remained completely quiet and sat with the feelings on my own. Talking to teachers or adults in any capacity always stressed me out, and my parents were usually the last people to know if I was upset. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to any of these people, but was afraid about what talking with them would result in. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and was worried that talking to other people would make things worse. Letting anyone know that I needed help was always a last resort in my mind.

Inevitably, all of this began to take its toll. I started to become even more closed off from the people around me and eventually developed intense anxiety. I remember my parents were absolutely perplexed about finding a way to get me to open up. Luckily for me, all of that changed in August 2011, when my Dad’s Acura turned the corner around main camp road for the first time.

Living in such close quarters with people who spoke openly about emotions, friendship, and life made me realize that it was okay to come forward when I was feeling upset or anxious. As mundane as it sounds, sharing highs and lows each night allowed me to build sharing my emotions into my routine. My counselors would walk up to me during free times and ask how I was feeling. My first bunkmate asked me to tell her about my day at night when she needed help falling asleep.

This open and accepting environment that I was lucky enough to have been raised in is the sole reason why I am the open, honest, and vulnerable version of myself today. It wasn’t until I came to camp that I realized that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be afraid of, but instead is a sign of strength.

Asking for help and being honest and open with those around you means that you’re strong enough to admit that you don’t have all of the answers – because honestly GK, nobody does. Asking for help means that you’re willing to lean into the discomfort that so often comes with uncomfortable emotions like fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Asking for help means that you’re willing to challenge yourself and hopefully grow along the way.

I’ve been able to form some of the deepest and most meaningful relationships of my life when I’ve been open and honest with the people around me. The friendships that I have with people from camp are the ones I cherish the most because of our ability to call on one another when we need it and support one another through every high and every low. I feel so lucky that camp taught me to feel comfortable enough to ask for help – because it’s provided me with a group of people who I know will be in my life forever.

So, GK, here is my advice for you: as daunting as it may seem, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Share how you’re feeling when someone asks – I promise it’s incredibly relieving. Check in on the people around you on the rainy days and the sunny ones. Don’t ever feel pressured to carry too much on your plate by yourself – there are always a few extra hands to help if you find the courage to step up and ask. I hope you know that you are all incredibly beautiful, wonderful, and loved, and that you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re completely alone – especially when you’re in a place as magical as this one.

Now I’m gonna play a little song. I think it captures what it feels like to be honest with the people around you, and this song makes me think about a lot of my friends here.

 

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Emma Ober – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

Hi GK my name is Emma and I have Vespers tonight. Are there any announcements?

Like I said my name is Emma and I have vespers tonight. Today, I want to talk about what is probably the most important decision l’ve made. The decision to get on a plane and fly 5,881 kilometers across the ocean to a place I didn’t know and with people I didn’t know. If you had met me 2 years ago, nobody would believe that I of all people would pack my stuff and leave my home. The Pandemic didn’t leave me unaffected either.  I started withdrawing and not talking anymore. I loved to sit alone in my room and avoided big crowds or to be more specific, people in general. I was that kind of girl you met in the school hallway but didn’t notice because she always kept her eyes on the floor so as not to make eye contact. I was also that kind of girl who would lie in bed at night and couldn’t sleep because she would think about the most unimportant things like why the dog I saw today didn’t wag his tail when I pet him and what I did wrong. That may sound banal to some, but for me it was a big deal. In addition, there was the stress of school since my degree was right around the corner. I spent long nights crying in my school books too tired to think clearly but too awake to sleep. While I was leaning over my school books at 3 am I realized that I wanted a change. I wanted to be the main character in my story and not just a side character. I wanted to be as happy and carefree as I used to be. 

So I started focusing on what I could do after my graduation instead of what I should do, which was studying for my exams. I unlocked my phone and typed in the google browser, “summer job, working with kids, away from Germany.” The only website that kept popping up was an organization called “Camp Leaders.” I read the first few topics on the website and decided that it was exactly what I wanted to do this summer. It took not even 24 hours to apply for the organization. Although I got scared just thinking about flying to another country on my own, I was excited to face my fears at the same time. The days went by and the only thing that I could think about was my summer. I had a million thoughts in my head, “What if I don’t make it? What if my English is too bad? What if no one likes me?” And probably a million more. Until the organization accepted me, from then on I went through a long and stressful process of applying. After, Camp Coniston found my profile and they offered me a job as a camp counselor. We had a few phone calls and I was more than happy to see that I was getting closer to facing this challenge. At that time, I didn’t know that that phone call would flip my life upside down. From then on, I counted down the days I had left before I flew to Boston. The days just went by until the day arrived when my parents dropped me off at the airport. It was the 7th of June when the realization hit me. In that moment, I just felt fear — fear of being alone, fear of leaving home and especially the fear of not being accepted. So I sat down and immediately burst into tears. Everyone at the airport started staring at me, but no one cared enough to talk to me. When they called my gate, I knew that I didn’t have any other choice. The only thing I could do was wipe away my tears and survive the flight. 

The next thing I remember was receiving a ton of messages after the landing saying, “Did you arrive?” or “Let me know when you have your luggage.” It was Ale and Will, the first people who made me feel welcome. They welcomed me warmly and we started talking about anything and everything. We were waiting for another person to arrive, her name is Courtney, you may know her. She ran towards us with all of her luggage and a huge smile on her face. She started talking and didn’t stop. I needed some time to understand what she was saying, but once I figured it, out we had a good conversation. I even slept in her cabin a few nights because none of us wanted to sleep alone. From then on, all my fears were gone. Once we arrived to camp I got to know the others and found that we have a lot in common. We spent so many nights sitting in the dining hall together, talking about everything and nothing. I felt like I would know them forever. I can’t even express how grateful I am for meeting these people who support me in every decision I make, who cheer me up whenever I’m sad and who make my time at camp the most memorable time of my life. We have spent so much time together that we feel like family and not friends anymore. And all of this would have never happened if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone. What I want you to take away from this vespers is that it is totally okay to be scared of something, but never stop trying to face your fears. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me to open up again and build my confidence. If you never try to face your fears, you’ll never know what you are missing out on, and you may never experience the best time of your life.

So, never forget it’s okay to have fears but facing you fears just makes you stronger. Now, I’m going to play a song.

 

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Emily Kelley – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

Hello GK, my name is Emily and I have vespers tonight.

Today I want to tell you about some of my favorite places in the world. This past fall I started at a new college. I was an absolute nervous wreck, although I did not like to show it. I was scared I was going to fail, scared I wouldn’t make friends, scared that I would get homesick, scared that I had made the wrong choice when picking a school. All completely normal fears to have, but unlike anything I had ever experienced before. As I entered my first semester at this tiny little school right on the ocean I took on mission. I wanted to find some safe spaces around campus. On college tours, they don’t typically show you the secret gems around campus, the comfy trees to sit under or the good places to go for a swim, or the shortcuts to different buildings. They usually make that something you have to figure out on your own.

At home I had some very special safe spaces as I like to call them. Places that I felt I could completely unwind my brain, places I could blast my music and feel like nobody else could hear it, places I could cry when I needed to, and places that I could smile so big I looked a little stupid. There was a pond near my house growing up. It was within walking distance and I grew up going there every night with my mom to walk my dog. I rode my bike through the park surrounding it, we took our christmas photos there but it was not until around covid time that I started to fall in love with this place. I went there every single night to watch the sunset starting during quarantine, and the habit never really stopped. It became a safe space for me. When I was going through tougher moments, heartbreak or feelings of anxiousness I would be there. I actually went there the night that I found out camp was not happening the summer of 2020. I instantly felt better the moment I sat on the patch of puffy grass under these two big oak trees and watched the sun go down. This place was mine. Nobody could disturb me and it was my place that I could feel all of my big feelings, happy or sad.

So as I was starting my first semester, I wandered around campus searching for some spots that gave me similar feelings of security the way that tiny little pond in my small town made me feel. There are these two sections of trees on one of the main lawns of my campus. There are bright Christmas lights strung between the trees that turn on automatically when the sun sets. There are hammocks and swinging chairs nestled under the branches. Although this was one of the most central spots at my school, those trees served as a gate. Nobody could come near me unless I wanted them to. After watching the sunset (a habit that I still hold no matter where I am) I made it a habit to read in one of those hammocks. Under the lights, just me, a place that I could escape from my not-so-great roommate situation. Escape from the stress of my classes, escape from the homesickness that I was pretending I couldn’t feel. I value alone time very strongly. I believe you can not truly have peace of mind when you are constantly surrounded by noise and business.

I am sure some of you in this circle have watched the show gilmore girls, well it is my all time favorite show, come talk to me about it, anyway there is this one episode where the main character rory is at college having a similar struggle that I have been talking about, she needs to find a place to study but every place is either to crowded or too loud until she found a tree, aplace where her back fit perfectly and it was calm and not too quiet by not too loud. And she called it her study tree, and that is what I wanted. On one of the lawns behind the academic buildings on my campus they plant long rows of daffodils and there are some big oak and maple trees behind that field at the top of a hill that looks out over the ocean. One day in the fall I was adventuring the capus and trying to find my very own study tree where I could people watch and make a friendship bracelet and I sat down against the biggest oak tree infront of that field and I immediately texted my friends to tell them that this was my new favorite place. i joked with my best friend from highschool that I had my very own emily tree. I went here whenever it was sunny with a good book, or a friendship bracelet, sometimes i brought my homework, or just a pair of headphones and it was perfect. I was the perfect distance away from the cliff walk path that people couldnt really notice me but I could see them.

Finding these spots around my campus and my hometown have taught me way that I can learn to be alone in my thoughts without out feeling lonely. I have learned how to enjoy my own company in nature and better, healthier ways to clear my mind. As i was talking to one of my best friends about this she reminded me that “Being alone can make you feel and feeling is scary. But feeling is normal and feeling is healthy, Find your safe space within yourself and in physical locations and your feelings will flow.”

So gk, I will leave you with this. Whenever you find yourself in a new place, a nervous experience, or just feeling some big feelings, try to find a space that’s yours. I challenge you to start today. Wander a little bit during free time and see if you can find a spot of camp that you can make your own. A spot that you go to find a little bit of peace from our hectic days here. Personally I have tons of safe spaces on camp, the boathouse, staff lodge porch, and this vespers ring right here to name a few. I urge you to search for a space that feels safe to you. A space where you can blast your music, a space where you can cry, a space where you can stupidly smile from ear to ear, a space where you can feel alone in a comfortable way. Go there day after day and make it a habit for yourself to find peace. I like to start by finding some big trees, it will always leave you feeling just a little bit more grounded.

 

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Transforming Camp One Cabin At a Time

Camp Coniston transformed on a sunny Thursday evening. Into what you may ask? Well it depends where you went.

In main camp, to the left and right, senior boys sprinted past for an intense game of manhunt. Right in the middle of the game, younger junior girls decorated delicious Christmas cookies with mountains of rainbow sprinkles. Every face had at least a little bit of frosting on it.

In Arts&Crafts, rocks became pets, people and sometimes just blue blobs.  Near the tennis courts, older senior girls met their younger junior “sisters.” The meeting was accompanied by many high pitched screams and excited giggles.

On the tennis courts (or should I say pickle ball courts?), the familiar thwack of the pickle ball echoed throughout main lawn.  If you ventured to the A-field, you would find an epic Slip N Slide. Multiple bottles of Dawn Soap were needed to create the perfect run and slide combination. 

Right across the field, a game of touch football had started. The Patriots really should consider some of the middler boys in the next draft.  At the waterfront, an intense game of “greased up watermelon” started in area one. What’s the goal of the game again? No one can remember. 

The “fabulously flawless” salon was all set up in the lodge. Face masks, cucumbers, nail polish and Taylor Swift were all present. No one was safe from getting their hair done. In fact, Taylor Swift was blasting from almost every corner of camp. We can’t wait for her Eras Tour stop in Grantham, NH!

With the beautiful weather on their side, many cabins took advantage of the boat house. They capsized canoes, “yoga-ed” on paddle boards and enjoyed PFD swimming. 

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“I wouldn’t be who I am without this place.”

Staff raises money every year to send a camper to camp through the Staff Campership Program. So far, more than 50 counselors have contributed to the fund, and for some, the program hits very close to home.   

Boys Camp Director, Nate Levine, stood up in front of every staff member and described a counselor. One who always has a smile on his face and no matter how difficult the job, he gets it done. At the end of the speech, accompanied by an eruption of applause, he gave Colby, a first year counselor, the staff member of the week award along with the coveted red Yeti cup. 

Colby came to camp 9 years ago, when he was 8, on a campership. Now, he’s a staff member being recognized for his dedication to camp. 

Growing up, Colby hopped around to different cities in New Hampshire — Sutton, Dartmouth, Sunapee, New London and then back to Sutton. 

“Coming [to camp] and experiencing all these new people, and all these new opinions and all these new friendships really exposed me to — ‘Oh, wait, maybe being your own person is good,’” Colby said.

He said at camp, he found “role models” for the first time. 

“I would not be who I am today without [the campership],” Colby said. “People I met my first year at camp I still talk to and communicate with. I had role models that I never really had and was just exposed to good, solid people.” 

Colby said camp shows kids “straight-up love.”

“It’s good to bring [kids] to a place where they’re surrounded by positivity. It gives them the best two weeks of their life,” he said.

Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear people calling Colby by his name. 

When he was younger, Colby walked to vespers in the mud without shoes on and stuck his toes out. One of his favorite counselors started calling him “troll.” The simple act of getting a silly nickname, a popular tradition in boy’s camp, made him feel like he was part of community. The nickname still sticks to this day. 

“I felt like I belonged,” Colby said.  “I wouldn’t be who I am without this place.”

“Camperships give such a good opportunity for kids who wouldn’t normally be able to come to such a great, amazing place like this because of their financial boundaries,” Colby said. “As one of those kids growing up, if I wasn’t able to come here, I would 100% be so much worse off.”

Now as a counselor, Colby can give back.

“The counselors treated me so well, like a real person,” Colby said. “Now I’m able to give those same kids that same respect and appreciation. I really feel like I’m giving back because honestly, I probably owe that to this place.”