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Austen Herlihy – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

As some of you may know, I go to Northeastern University in Boston. Northeastern has something called the co-op program which means that instead of taking classes for a semester, you work a full time job in whatever your major is. Every student at Northeastern does at least one co-op, and most do two or three. To get a co-op, you have to do the whole process, from writing and sending out your resume, to interviews and onsite visits. This past fall I was in the process of applying for my second co-op.

I had interviews with a few different companies, but there was one that stood out to me because during the interview, I couldn’t stop thinking about how cool everyone was. In particular, the woman who would be my manager made me really want to work there. She had long purple hair, a cat who she affectionately introduced to me as Ron, and she told me all about how Ron had cat diabetes. She also told me how awesome it was that I worked at a summer camp, and she asked me what the craziest thing that had ever happened to me at camp was. By the end of the interview, I was sure that I wanted to work there, and at the end of that week, they offered me the job, and I accepted right away.

I started working there in January, and immediately it was everything I had hoped it would be. My team was made up of 5 people, including me, and every day was filled with laughter, inside jokes, and races to finish the New York Times sudoku. I never thought I would love a “real job” as much as I loved working at camp, but this came pretty darn close. Beyond my wonderful coworkers, I was also fascinated by the work I was doing, and every morning I woke up excited to go to work.

So, on Wednesday, May 3rd, I woke up and drove into work, just like I had been doing since January. I made my coffee and sat down to join a 9am company-wide meeting, and at the end of that meeting I was laid off. I lost my job. Something had happened with the company’s stocks—I didn’t really understand it then and I still don’t understand it now, but basically they ran out of money and laid off 25% of the company, including all 6 co-ops.

For me, it was one of those moments where I couldn’t quite process what was happening. It was so sudden, and all there really was to do was pack up my desk and go home. As I slowly began to understand what had just happened, all of the emotions that you might expect someone who just lost their job to feel started to creep in. I was sad, I felt helpless, I couldn’t stop thinking about how unfair it was, and I had already begun to miss the friends I had made. My predictable next step was to crawl into my bed and start to cry about it. Which I did.

I also started texting some people. First, I texted my parents, saying something along the lines of “all of the co-ops just got laid off.” My dad, ever the quick responder, fired back right away with: “So no job 4 U?” Very helpful, thank you dad.

I also texted my coach, because I had practice that night, but was definitely not feeling up to going. I explained what had happened, and he responded with: “Huh? They can’t do that. Co-ops can’t be laid off.” Also extremely helpful, I know.

I also texted my roommates and friends, and their responses were a lot better, but none of it really made me feel any better. So, I told myself that I would take that day to cry and to be sad, and that starting the next morning, I would endeavor to make the best of it. I thought about all the things I would do with my newfound free-time: clean my room, plant a garden, mop the floors, train for a half marathon, bake lots of yummy things, read lots of books, go to the gym all the time etc. etc. etc.

That did not happen. The next morning, I stayed in bed and continued to mope. I was trying so hard to be nice to myself, to bounce back, and to make the best of a bad situation, but it just wasn’t working. Fast forward a couple of days, and I was determined to have a good day. I got up early and went for a run in an attempt to force some serotonin into my body. It was a beautiful spring day, and by the time I was done I was feeling better than I had in days. I decided to stop and get myself an iced vanilla latte as a little treat. So, I got my latte, walked back to my apartment, climbed the stairs up to the second floor, went to unlock my door, and dropped it.

The whole thing spilled all over the floor. Unfortunately, this mishap sent me spiraling right back into my funk. I got back into bed and cried. Like, sobbed. I actually cried harder about dropping my coffee than I had about losing my job in the first place. I felt so fragile, and in that moment, I was sure that it would never get better.

Well, Camp Coniston, here I am, sitting in front of you today, telling you this. It got better. It took a while, but eventually my days started to get good again.

What got me through it was time, and not much else. For as long as I can remember, whenever I have had a hard time, or been going through something, it has always brought me comfort to picture some version of myself, however far into the future, that was no longer struggling. Because, the truth is, it really does always get better. The days march on, and the days get easier.

Losing my job marked the end of my third year of college. When I was a freshman, and really also when I was a sophomore, I really had a hard time at college. I started in Fall 2020, when covid was still going strong, and it did not go great for me. I was unbearably lonely, and I struggled to feel that I belonged. Through that time, there was a song I would listen to that made me feel better, even when I was at my lowest. The song goes:

“She knows she lived through it to get to this moment.”

I would tell myself, as I sat on the floor, wishing for a different life, right now, I’m living through it, but someday, I’ll get to my moment. And, spoiler alert, I did. It got better.

I’m going to leave you all with this last little tidbit. One of my best friends at school, at some point along the way, started saying this little phrase whenever she was struggling:

“I can do hard things.”

Or, “We can do hard things.”

Or, “You can do hard things.”

It has become my personal mantra, and let me tell you, it really works.

Camp Coniston: You can do hard things.

So, next time you are faced with a calculus test; or a hard workout; a broken bone or a broken heart; a really, really long day or a really, really long semester, remember: You can do hard things, and it gets better.

Song: Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers

 
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Dylan Steward – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

“A father said to his daughter, ‘You graduated with honors, here is a car I acquired many years ago. It is several years old. But before I give it to you, take it to the used car lot downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you.’ The daughter went to the used car lot, returned to her father and said, ‘They offered me $1,000 because it looks very worn out.’ The father said. ‘Take it to the pawn shop.’ The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said, ‘The pawn shop offered $100 because it was a very old car.’ The father asked his daughter to go to a car club and show them the car. The daughter took the car to the club, returned and told her father, ‘Some people offered $100,000 since its an iconic car and sought out after by many.’ The father said to his daughter, ‘The right place values you the right way. If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you. Never stay in a place where no one sees your value.’ 

After reading this, I soon realized there have been some places in my life where I felt like no one saw my true value, and sometimes I didn’t even know my true value. But here at camp, it’s different. People here take the time to appreciate one another. We all give each other a second chance. We don’t just look on the outside and see the dust or ugly paint job. But rather, people at camp look at your journeys, mileage, background, where you come from, but most importantly what makes you unique. People at camp see your dents, scratches, rust not as deterrents, but rather how they have shaped you to who you are. We all have been through some rough patches, some junkyards, as well as some highs and Sunday drives along the beach. They are what makes each and everyone here unique from one another.

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Libby Foley – Camp Fellow – Vespers

Hi GK! My name is Libby and I have vespers tonight. Are there any announcements? 

Alright, well as I said my name is Libby, and I have vespers tonight. And today I want to tell you all the story of a girl. 

This is the story of a girl who wore a yellow headband to school everyday, read a chapter of a book each night before bed, and was obsessed with rainbow sprinkles. This girl loved vanilla ice cream with gummy bears, raisin bran cereal, and was probably born in the wrong generation.

I say all of these things because that girl was me. And as wonderful as all of these things were, and as fortunate as I feel to have had an incredible childhood, the one thing that I really struggled with when I was younger was talking to other people.

It’s kind of ironic to say it out loud right now, considering that many people in this circle view me as an open book – I pretty much share anything and everything about myself.

But for the longest time, I had an extremely difficult time sharing how I was feeling with other people or asking for help. If I was sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, I didn’t turn to anyone, but always remained completely quiet and sat with the feelings on my own. Talking to teachers or adults in any capacity always stressed me out, and my parents were usually the last people to know if I was upset. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to any of these people, but was afraid about what talking with them would result in. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and was worried that talking to other people would make things worse. Letting anyone know that I needed help was always a last resort in my mind.

Inevitably, all of this began to take its toll. I started to become even more closed off from the people around me and eventually developed intense anxiety. I remember my parents were absolutely perplexed about finding a way to get me to open up. Luckily for me, all of that changed in August 2011, when my Dad’s Acura turned the corner around main camp road for the first time.

Living in such close quarters with people who spoke openly about emotions, friendship, and life made me realize that it was okay to come forward when I was feeling upset or anxious. As mundane as it sounds, sharing highs and lows each night allowed me to build sharing my emotions into my routine. My counselors would walk up to me during free times and ask how I was feeling. My first bunkmate asked me to tell her about my day at night when she needed help falling asleep.

This open and accepting environment that I was lucky enough to have been raised in is the sole reason why I am the open, honest, and vulnerable version of myself today. It wasn’t until I came to camp that I realized that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be afraid of, but instead is a sign of strength.

Asking for help and being honest and open with those around you means that you’re strong enough to admit that you don’t have all of the answers – because honestly GK, nobody does. Asking for help means that you’re willing to lean into the discomfort that so often comes with uncomfortable emotions like fear, anxiety, and embarrassment. Asking for help means that you’re willing to challenge yourself and hopefully grow along the way.

I’ve been able to form some of the deepest and most meaningful relationships of my life when I’ve been open and honest with the people around me. The friendships that I have with people from camp are the ones I cherish the most because of our ability to call on one another when we need it and support one another through every high and every low. I feel so lucky that camp taught me to feel comfortable enough to ask for help – because it’s provided me with a group of people who I know will be in my life forever.

So, GK, here is my advice for you: as daunting as it may seem, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Share how you’re feeling when someone asks – I promise it’s incredibly relieving. Check in on the people around you on the rainy days and the sunny ones. Don’t ever feel pressured to carry too much on your plate by yourself – there are always a few extra hands to help if you find the courage to step up and ask. I hope you know that you are all incredibly beautiful, wonderful, and loved, and that you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re completely alone – especially when you’re in a place as magical as this one.

Now I’m gonna play a little song. I think it captures what it feels like to be honest with the people around you, and this song makes me think about a lot of my friends here.

 

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Emma Ober – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

Hi GK my name is Emma and I have Vespers tonight. Are there any announcements?

Like I said my name is Emma and I have vespers tonight. Today, I want to talk about what is probably the most important decision l’ve made. The decision to get on a plane and fly 5,881 kilometers across the ocean to a place I didn’t know and with people I didn’t know. If you had met me 2 years ago, nobody would believe that I of all people would pack my stuff and leave my home. The Pandemic didn’t leave me unaffected either.  I started withdrawing and not talking anymore. I loved to sit alone in my room and avoided big crowds or to be more specific, people in general. I was that kind of girl you met in the school hallway but didn’t notice because she always kept her eyes on the floor so as not to make eye contact. I was also that kind of girl who would lie in bed at night and couldn’t sleep because she would think about the most unimportant things like why the dog I saw today didn’t wag his tail when I pet him and what I did wrong. That may sound banal to some, but for me it was a big deal. In addition, there was the stress of school since my degree was right around the corner. I spent long nights crying in my school books too tired to think clearly but too awake to sleep. While I was leaning over my school books at 3 am I realized that I wanted a change. I wanted to be the main character in my story and not just a side character. I wanted to be as happy and carefree as I used to be. 

So I started focusing on what I could do after my graduation instead of what I should do, which was studying for my exams. I unlocked my phone and typed in the google browser, “summer job, working with kids, away from Germany.” The only website that kept popping up was an organization called “Camp Leaders.” I read the first few topics on the website and decided that it was exactly what I wanted to do this summer. It took not even 24 hours to apply for the organization. Although I got scared just thinking about flying to another country on my own, I was excited to face my fears at the same time. The days went by and the only thing that I could think about was my summer. I had a million thoughts in my head, “What if I don’t make it? What if my English is too bad? What if no one likes me?” And probably a million more. Until the organization accepted me, from then on I went through a long and stressful process of applying. After, Camp Coniston found my profile and they offered me a job as a camp counselor. We had a few phone calls and I was more than happy to see that I was getting closer to facing this challenge. At that time, I didn’t know that that phone call would flip my life upside down. From then on, I counted down the days I had left before I flew to Boston. The days just went by until the day arrived when my parents dropped me off at the airport. It was the 7th of June when the realization hit me. In that moment, I just felt fear — fear of being alone, fear of leaving home and especially the fear of not being accepted. So I sat down and immediately burst into tears. Everyone at the airport started staring at me, but no one cared enough to talk to me. When they called my gate, I knew that I didn’t have any other choice. The only thing I could do was wipe away my tears and survive the flight. 

The next thing I remember was receiving a ton of messages after the landing saying, “Did you arrive?” or “Let me know when you have your luggage.” It was Ale and Will, the first people who made me feel welcome. They welcomed me warmly and we started talking about anything and everything. We were waiting for another person to arrive, her name is Courtney, you may know her. She ran towards us with all of her luggage and a huge smile on her face. She started talking and didn’t stop. I needed some time to understand what she was saying, but once I figured it, out we had a good conversation. I even slept in her cabin a few nights because none of us wanted to sleep alone. From then on, all my fears were gone. Once we arrived to camp I got to know the others and found that we have a lot in common. We spent so many nights sitting in the dining hall together, talking about everything and nothing. I felt like I would know them forever. I can’t even express how grateful I am for meeting these people who support me in every decision I make, who cheer me up whenever I’m sad and who make my time at camp the most memorable time of my life. We have spent so much time together that we feel like family and not friends anymore. And all of this would have never happened if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone. What I want you to take away from this vespers is that it is totally okay to be scared of something, but never stop trying to face your fears. Stepping out of my comfort zone helped me to open up again and build my confidence. If you never try to face your fears, you’ll never know what you are missing out on, and you may never experience the best time of your life.

So, never forget it’s okay to have fears but facing you fears just makes you stronger. Now, I’m going to play a song.

 

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Emily Kelley – Cabin Counselor – Vespers

Hello GK, my name is Emily and I have vespers tonight.

Today I want to tell you about some of my favorite places in the world. This past fall I started at a new college. I was an absolute nervous wreck, although I did not like to show it. I was scared I was going to fail, scared I wouldn’t make friends, scared that I would get homesick, scared that I had made the wrong choice when picking a school. All completely normal fears to have, but unlike anything I had ever experienced before. As I entered my first semester at this tiny little school right on the ocean I took on mission. I wanted to find some safe spaces around campus. On college tours, they don’t typically show you the secret gems around campus, the comfy trees to sit under or the good places to go for a swim, or the shortcuts to different buildings. They usually make that something you have to figure out on your own.

At home I had some very special safe spaces as I like to call them. Places that I felt I could completely unwind my brain, places I could blast my music and feel like nobody else could hear it, places I could cry when I needed to, and places that I could smile so big I looked a little stupid. There was a pond near my house growing up. It was within walking distance and I grew up going there every night with my mom to walk my dog. I rode my bike through the park surrounding it, we took our christmas photos there but it was not until around covid time that I started to fall in love with this place. I went there every single night to watch the sunset starting during quarantine, and the habit never really stopped. It became a safe space for me. When I was going through tougher moments, heartbreak or feelings of anxiousness I would be there. I actually went there the night that I found out camp was not happening the summer of 2020. I instantly felt better the moment I sat on the patch of puffy grass under these two big oak trees and watched the sun go down. This place was mine. Nobody could disturb me and it was my place that I could feel all of my big feelings, happy or sad.

So as I was starting my first semester, I wandered around campus searching for some spots that gave me similar feelings of security the way that tiny little pond in my small town made me feel. There are these two sections of trees on one of the main lawns of my campus. There are bright Christmas lights strung between the trees that turn on automatically when the sun sets. There are hammocks and swinging chairs nestled under the branches. Although this was one of the most central spots at my school, those trees served as a gate. Nobody could come near me unless I wanted them to. After watching the sunset (a habit that I still hold no matter where I am) I made it a habit to read in one of those hammocks. Under the lights, just me, a place that I could escape from my not-so-great roommate situation. Escape from the stress of my classes, escape from the homesickness that I was pretending I couldn’t feel. I value alone time very strongly. I believe you can not truly have peace of mind when you are constantly surrounded by noise and business.

I am sure some of you in this circle have watched the show gilmore girls, well it is my all time favorite show, come talk to me about it, anyway there is this one episode where the main character rory is at college having a similar struggle that I have been talking about, she needs to find a place to study but every place is either to crowded or too loud until she found a tree, aplace where her back fit perfectly and it was calm and not too quiet by not too loud. And she called it her study tree, and that is what I wanted. On one of the lawns behind the academic buildings on my campus they plant long rows of daffodils and there are some big oak and maple trees behind that field at the top of a hill that looks out over the ocean. One day in the fall I was adventuring the capus and trying to find my very own study tree where I could people watch and make a friendship bracelet and I sat down against the biggest oak tree infront of that field and I immediately texted my friends to tell them that this was my new favorite place. i joked with my best friend from highschool that I had my very own emily tree. I went here whenever it was sunny with a good book, or a friendship bracelet, sometimes i brought my homework, or just a pair of headphones and it was perfect. I was the perfect distance away from the cliff walk path that people couldnt really notice me but I could see them.

Finding these spots around my campus and my hometown have taught me way that I can learn to be alone in my thoughts without out feeling lonely. I have learned how to enjoy my own company in nature and better, healthier ways to clear my mind. As i was talking to one of my best friends about this she reminded me that “Being alone can make you feel and feeling is scary. But feeling is normal and feeling is healthy, Find your safe space within yourself and in physical locations and your feelings will flow.”

So gk, I will leave you with this. Whenever you find yourself in a new place, a nervous experience, or just feeling some big feelings, try to find a space that’s yours. I challenge you to start today. Wander a little bit during free time and see if you can find a spot of camp that you can make your own. A spot that you go to find a little bit of peace from our hectic days here. Personally I have tons of safe spaces on camp, the boathouse, staff lodge porch, and this vespers ring right here to name a few. I urge you to search for a space that feels safe to you. A space where you can blast your music, a space where you can cry, a space where you can stupidly smile from ear to ear, a space where you can feel alone in a comfortable way. Go there day after day and make it a habit for yourself to find peace. I like to start by finding some big trees, it will always leave you feeling just a little bit more grounded.

 

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Transforming Camp One Cabin At a Time

Camp Coniston transformed on a sunny Thursday evening. Into what you may ask? Well it depends where you went.

In main camp, to the left and right, senior boys sprinted past for an intense game of manhunt. Right in the middle of the game, younger junior girls decorated delicious Christmas cookies with mountains of rainbow sprinkles. Every face had at least a little bit of frosting on it.

In Arts&Crafts, rocks became pets, people and sometimes just blue blobs.  Near the tennis courts, older senior girls met their younger junior “sisters.” The meeting was accompanied by many high pitched screams and excited giggles.

On the tennis courts (or should I say pickle ball courts?), the familiar thwack of the pickle ball echoed throughout main lawn.  If you ventured to the A-field, you would find an epic Slip N Slide. Multiple bottles of Dawn Soap were needed to create the perfect run and slide combination. 

Right across the field, a game of touch football had started. The Patriots really should consider some of the middler boys in the next draft.  At the waterfront, an intense game of “greased up watermelon” started in area one. What’s the goal of the game again? No one can remember. 

The “fabulously flawless” salon was all set up in the lodge. Face masks, cucumbers, nail polish and Taylor Swift were all present. No one was safe from getting their hair done. In fact, Taylor Swift was blasting from almost every corner of camp. We can’t wait for her Eras Tour stop in Grantham, NH!

With the beautiful weather on their side, many cabins took advantage of the boat house. They capsized canoes, “yoga-ed” on paddle boards and enjoyed PFD swimming. 

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“I wouldn’t be who I am without this place.”

Staff raises money every year to send a camper to camp through the Staff Campership Program. So far, more than 50 counselors have contributed to the fund, and for some, the program hits very close to home.   

Boys Camp Director, Nate Levine, stood up in front of every staff member and described a counselor. One who always has a smile on his face and no matter how difficult the job, he gets it done. At the end of the speech, accompanied by an eruption of applause, he gave Colby, a first year counselor, the staff member of the week award along with the coveted red Yeti cup. 

Colby came to camp 9 years ago, when he was 8, on a campership. Now, he’s a staff member being recognized for his dedication to camp. 

Growing up, Colby hopped around to different cities in New Hampshire — Sutton, Dartmouth, Sunapee, New London and then back to Sutton. 

“Coming [to camp] and experiencing all these new people, and all these new opinions and all these new friendships really exposed me to — ‘Oh, wait, maybe being your own person is good,’” Colby said.

He said at camp, he found “role models” for the first time. 

“I would not be who I am today without [the campership],” Colby said. “People I met my first year at camp I still talk to and communicate with. I had role models that I never really had and was just exposed to good, solid people.” 

Colby said camp shows kids “straight-up love.”

“It’s good to bring [kids] to a place where they’re surrounded by positivity. It gives them the best two weeks of their life,” he said.

Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear people calling Colby by his name. 

When he was younger, Colby walked to vespers in the mud without shoes on and stuck his toes out. One of his favorite counselors started calling him “troll.” The simple act of getting a silly nickname, a popular tradition in boy’s camp, made him feel like he was part of community. The nickname still sticks to this day. 

“I felt like I belonged,” Colby said.  “I wouldn’t be who I am without this place.”

“Camperships give such a good opportunity for kids who wouldn’t normally be able to come to such a great, amazing place like this because of their financial boundaries,” Colby said. “As one of those kids growing up, if I wasn’t able to come here, I would 100% be so much worse off.”

Now as a counselor, Colby can give back.

“The counselors treated me so well, like a real person,” Colby said. “Now I’m able to give those same kids that same respect and appreciation. I really feel like I’m giving back because honestly, I probably owe that to this place.” 

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Coniston Staff Members have already raised one campership and are climbing towards another one

As part of the Staff Campership Program, John Tilley will match every “Thank-a-donor letter” written by a staff member with $20. At a letter writing night (with many fruit snacks and capri-suns of course), staff members wrote 75 letters to contribute to a campership.

We asked Staff members who contributed why the Staff Campership is important to them. 

All these counselors have been impacted by camp in different ways, but in their answers one key message remains the same — everyone deserves the opportunity to experience camp.

“The people I’ve met at camp and the relationships I’ve made have been a really special part of my life, and I feel I’ve developed a strong sense of self,” Libby, reasearch fellow, said. “I truly believe that every child should have the opportunity to come to Coniston.” (Libby, on the right, walking with a friend)

“Camp gave confidence and purpose to my life,” Farren, in-cabin counselor, said. “I wanted to help a camper come to camp and have what I had.” (Farren at Arts&Crafts cleaning a paint plate)

“It’s a really big goal of mine to have staff feel like they contributed to send a camper here and I myself wanted to contribute,” Honor, Girls Camp Director, said. “Staff come back every year to give campers an incredible experience and all kids should get to have camp. If staff helping out makes that happen, it’s something we should do.” (Honor, top stair second from the left, sits with other members of senior staff)

“Camp has given me so much, I just wanted to give back,” Ollie, former Boys Camp Directer and current Maintenance staff, said. (Ollie in a four wheel maintenance vehicle)

“Every kid deserves the opportunity to come to camp,” Jack H., in-cabin counselor, said. “I’m giving so every camper can have what I had.” (Jack H. at his program area riflery)

“I care about kids having a good time at camp and it’s a great place for them to grow and become comfortable talking to all types of people,” Nate, Boys Camp Director, said.  (Nate wearing a batman mask at Chapel with Honor and Brackett) 

“I donated because camp changed my life as a young kid,” Will H. “To give a kid the same experience is why I give.” (Will at his program area ropes)

“Camp has made a positive impact on my life and I want to make sure other people have the chance to experience it,” Sophie, first year counselor, said. (Sophie during her kitchen shift writing on the “meal board”)

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Kiley Macleod – Campfire Coordinator – Vespers

This past year, I went to school in the city of Salem, Oregon at a school I’m sure none of you have ever heard of- Willamette University (roll bearcats). Growing up and living in MA for my entire life, there was so much I didn’t know about Oregon. In case any of you are also in that same boat, here are a few fun facts about the state! It rains about 165 days out of the year, and almost all of those days happen from December to March. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that during my spring semester, there were maybe 14 sunny days. You think you like rain, and then you move to Oregon and everything changes!

As I’m sure many of you can relate to, I really struggle with change and transitions. My parents will tell me stories of how hard it used to be to get me to go anywhere. I would cry and cry and cry some more, unable to articulate that I was really just feeling anxious. The way these stories- and there are many of them- end is pretty much the same every time. I got to whatever thing or event I was so worked up about, and I ended up having an awesome time.

Even though I don’t typically cry for an hour before I have to leave my house now, I still struggle with the same feelings of intense anxiety. A crippling fear of the unknown and the lack of control that I often feel works against my happy and bubbly personality, as if they’re fighting a battle inside of my head.

Although I have, for the most part, learned a lot of great ways to cope with these feelings, they of course still get to me sometimes. Bouncing back to the unfathomable amount of rain in Oregon, the dreary and wet days were often the hardest times for me to cope with transitions.

One particular day always sticks out to me from this past semester. I woke up a little behind schedule, so I had to rush to get ready for my 9am anatomy class. As I sometimes did, I forgot my raincoat. My campus was small, my walk to class was only 8 minutes. No big deal, right? Wrong. The way to class was okay, the rain hadn’t really picked up yet. After an excruciatingly long lecture on the muscles and compartments of the lower leg, I was ready to go home and curl up into a ball. The minute I stepped foot outside, though, it was like the floodgates opened and dumped the entire Pacific ocean on my head.

When I say drenched, I really mean that I was drenched. Soaking wet from head to toe within 30 seconds. As I started my walk back home, same as always, something felt different. All over again I felt like that little girl who couldn’t do anything but cry uncontrollably. So, I did.

On my 8 minute walk back, I absolutely sobbed. I’m talking boogers coming out of my nose, eyes so puffy it was hard to see, gasping for air sobbing. I was so beyond overwhelmed by everything going on. The rain was so heavy I could hardly see where I was going, and I just felt like every little stressor and sad moment that had been building up for the weeks and months leading up to that day exploded inside of me.

I decided to stop at the less busy of 2 coffee shops on my campus to dry off for a minute and collect myself in a quiet corner. When I walked in, I was greeted, as I was every time I went in there, to a quote. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good quote. But, this one in particular really got to me. As I stood there, soaked to the bone and freezing cold, the chalkboard screamed in neon letters, “you can’t control the weather, so you must learn to dance in the rain.”

Although it’s a seemingly innocent and positive quote, it really got to me that day. There I was, just to reiterate once more- drenched in rainwater and tears, and instead of making me feel better it only made me feel worse. I couldn’t, and still can’t control the weather. I can’t control what happens to me- good or bad. Unfair things happen every day, even to the best and kindest of people.

If the “dance in the rain” mentality works for you, that is so wonderful and I absolutely support you and hope you kartwheel and twirl every time you need to. For me, that’s just not how it works. As has everyone, I’ve had my fair share of sticky situations in my life, many of which I had absolutely no power over. Upsetting, scary, and just all around unfortunate things happen to everyone. And, so often as a society we push the message that positivity is the only answer. The only appropriate response to terrible things is to dance in the stormy weather.

I’m not like that. When sad things happen to me, I feel a whole lot of everything. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I take a long shower, sometimes I lay on the floor of my counselors quarters just to catch my breath. And that’s okay. Whether or not I want it to, the rain has and will continue to come. So, I will continue to feel all of my feelings, however that may look on any given day.

It’s more than okay to not feel happy all the time. However you may feel in this moment, or any moment, is okay. Having emotions is not a weakness, it’s a strength. Experiencing the ups and downs of this life is the world’s greatest privilege. Without the rain, we would never truly appreciate the sun.

In case you’re wondering, I did get back to my dorm and continue crying for a few minutes, and then I picked myself up. I peeled off my wet clothes, took a hot shower, and put on dry sweatpants. I’m not ashamed that I didn’t dance, I’m proud that I felt my feelings as they came and so that I could effectively move on. I know I’ll never be a dance through the rain enthusiast, and that’s okay. I’m a hot shower and dry sweatpants enthusiast, and after a long long time, I’m okay with that.

I’m no longer the little girl who can’t get out the door for lacrosse practice without sobbing, terrified that if anyone saw my tears I would be viewed as weak. I’m a strong woman whose power is not limited by her emotions, but strengthened. And, to end on a happy note, the day after this story took place was sunny. So, no matter how stormy the weather may look, I pinky promise that eventually, the sun will rise, and you’ll come out even stronger on the other side.

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Nick Newberry – Camp Naturalist – Vespers

Hello, my name is Nick Newberry. I hail from Oakton, Virginia where I am a high school science teacher. This is my 12th summer at camp. My role at Camp is to design signs about Coniston’s incredible nature.

While Coniston’s nature has deep meaning to me and holds many Vespers-worthy lessons, today I will not be talking about nature, but people. Specifically people from countries other than the United States: our international staff.

Before I begin in earnest, I’d like everyone to silently raise their hand if they would like to visit a foreign country at some point in the future (a vast majority of campers and staff raised their hands). I hope that each of you who raised their hand is able to travel and experience other cultures. Traveling for me has enriched my life in so many ways. My experiences in the far corners of the planet have shown me different perspectives on life fulfillment and values, cuisine, and ways of living. I am forever grateful for those experiences. With that being said, some of my most cherished international experiences have actually taken place right here at Camp in the Woods of New Hampshire.

I have been coming to Coniston since 2005 and in that time, I have come to know and be influenced by many international staff members from Brunei and Zimbabwe to Mexico, Canada, and many places in between. Every year these incredible staff members step away from their lives back home, leaving the comfort of their friends, family, and favorite food behind to take a chance on a camp in rural New Hampshire where they may not know a single person, or even feel confident with the language. These brave and adventurous people have shared a tremendous amount with me through stories, conversations, and experiences. I have lived the intensity of a Mexico-U.S. soccer game with 20 Mexican staff as the only American; learned the ins and outs of outdoor adventure in New Zealand; and heard tales of food, culture, and exploration in the mountains of Colombia and Mexico. These moments and many others have allowed me to gain authentic views of life in another culture with my feet firmly planted on American soil.

Those of you who know me well, know that I love a good story. I find that a good story shared with me by someone allows me to teleport and time travel in my mind, and to feel a stronger connection with the storyteller. So, I want to share one particular story with you about a very special connection I made last year at camp. As many of you are aware, Coniston has an exchange program with a hospitality school in South Africa. Last summer I grew close with the counselors from this school, spending long hours getting to know them at the cooking program area and during free time. Eventually, the end of the summer came and they returned to their homes in South Africa and Zimbabwe, and I returned home to Virginia. The story picks up a few months later when, during the winter holidays, I received a gift from one of my students. The gift was a small figurine of a Blue Jay, which the student bought at a local fair trade shop. The Jay was made by painting a large Ulumbe Tree seed, which is about the size of a thumb. Accompanying the Jay was a short story about its origin. The seed was grown in Bulawayo and painted in Ruwa, both of which are in Zimbabwe. I messaged Yolanda Zenasi, the lone representative from Zimbabwe at camp last summer to see if she knew either of these places; it turns out she has been to both! Telling my student about this connection made the gift all the more special for both of us. Fast forward 7 months to two nights ago when I drove some of the South African group to the Bigelow cabin across the lake for a celebration dinner they were preparing for their school’s directors, who were here at camp visiting. Because of my pre-existing relationships with this South African staff, I was invited to stay and ended up remaining there for many hours while each South African student shared their story of how they came to be at the school and the gratitude they had for their directors. Each student spoke for between 15 minutes and half an hour, which is not something I have ever experienced in America. Their stories about hurdles they had overcome to get to Coniston and the gratitude they had for being here brought tears to my eyes. I now feel a stronger connection than ever to these incredible people from across the world.

I will leave you all with a challenge. Your challenge for this session is to start a conversation with a staff member from a different county. To allow yourself for a brief period of time to travel the world through a story while strengthening your connection to that person, camp, and the world. That connection won’t happen by accident, you need to seek it out.